you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
