Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
