I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
