forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
