sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I am one with the molecules
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
