Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Even the bartender felt bad for me
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
