Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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