Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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