One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
someone owes me an orgasm
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
