We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
