moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
