The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Hippo gnu deer
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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