Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
