I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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