This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
