I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize