Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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