pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
