i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
