Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
