Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
