Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
