I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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