i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
