you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
