to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
