Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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