Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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