i would punch a child for taco bell
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
