Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
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Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
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You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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