Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
