it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
