he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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