is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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