Need sex. Gaining weight.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
