You smell like stripper and shame
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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