I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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