We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
