Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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