All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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