I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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