you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
