Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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