What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
