Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
