he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
