you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
