I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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