We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
