u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
