if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Are we still banned from the library?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
