WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
