he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
