it's too hot outside to masturbate.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
This is classic penis vs brain.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
