she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
