smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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