Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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