C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
