I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
