I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
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