Well douche your snatch and let's go!
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
