Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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